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A lot of people don`t realise that Shania Twain`s father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.
My neck, My back, My Netflix and my snacks...
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Just woke up next to my bed. Not sure if I fell out or didn`t quite make it in.
Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
Every woman needs a shoulder to cry on, a shoulder to lean on and a shoulder to hold her bra strap on!!!
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
Just ruined $387 worth of blinds in the house, but that fly is dead.