Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians...
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
You`ve really got to hand it to short people, because sometimes they often can`t reach it.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
My cardio is shopping.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
Time to turn over a new leaf ... With my luck it’ll be poison ivy.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
I dont care how you live your life, so just let me live mine. Yeah whatever.
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?