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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
If only life was as easy as getting fat.
If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
It’s not you. It’s me finally realizing that you’re terrible.
I fake my LOLs
All I’ve ever wanted from life was to be a disturbance in the force.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
I just want to be rich enough to pay people to not talk to me.