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Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
I pretend I don`t care but deep down I really still don`t care.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I bet my church never imagined it was even possible to twerk to Amazing Grace.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
A female mantis kills the male after sex. That used to seem cruel, but now that I`m married with kids I think the male mantis gets off easy.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers