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Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
Remember the good old days when making the “duck face” involved 2 Pringles?
I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat’. You probably saw our posters on poles.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
I bet spongebob will get his license before Taylor Swift finds love.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
They say that you are what we eat. This means that I am cheap, easy and ready in 2 minutes!
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I ordered a pizza when my wife went into labor. Thad ad said, "buy a pizza, and get free delivery.