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I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics...So glad I found you all.
If a bra is called an `over the shoulder bolder holder`, then what would you call men underwear? Under the butt nut hut
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Me: "I want to travel more." Bank account: "Like, to the park?"
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity........thats how rich I want to be.
Even this posting will offend some people, hopefully.
I`ve made up my mind, I`m not giving up anything for Lent, I`m no quitter...
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
I google myself sometimes just to know what the hell I`m up to. ;)