Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
Im not sure Im comfortable with the fact that there is now a bunch of people in white coats furiously scribbling notes behind a big glass window while im talking to my therapist. Im suppose to just "ignore" them.
Here`s how I gained 27lbs of muscle in 5 weeks: Lying.
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
Lucky Charms should be 98% Marshmallows and 2% of that other sh*t.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
Everyone knows spray tans and Tang come from the same stem cells as Cheetos, so why does Wikipedia keep deleting my edits?
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Bulimia: Twice the taste. Zero Calories.
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
My boyfriend woke up this morning with a huge smile on his face. I love sharpies
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
It must suck when billionaires wake up feeling like a million bucks.