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Sometimes late at night, I dig a hole in the back yard to keep the nosey neighbor`s guessing.
If you are being attacked by a bunch of clowns the first thing to do is go for the juggler.
The only Spanish phrase you need to learn is, "I know you guys are talkin sh*t about me."
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you`ve never been married and you love spending time with him?
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Two things you can always be certain about when it comes to women: 1) They`re always cold. 2) It’s somehow your fault.
pharmacy was out of my BP meds...so i bought a baseball bat instead..that works much faster
If couples who are in love are called `love birds.` Then couples who always argue should be called `angry birds.`
A revolving door is an IQ test you can fail in public.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.