Daily Silly Status

Why do baby clothes have pockets?

Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.

Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer

I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.

Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.

My door bell is a recording of a shotgun being racked.

In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”

I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.

I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.

Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"

I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.

I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.

Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here

I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.