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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
People say circumcision dosen`t hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn`t walk for nearly a year.
Wife is out of town until tomorrow night. Anyone wanna come sit on the other end of the sofa and ignore me?
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D