Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “what’s wrong” is inversely proportional to the severity of the sh!tstorm that’s coming.
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
Why do the commercials with the husband and wife doing a home improvement project never show the fistfight?
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
How many people actually tell everyone that you said Hi.
Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship`s kitchen.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
I have high blood pressure, but my dogs don`t. So, from now on I`m only getting upset about squirrels and mailmen.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
How long does it take to get obsessed?