Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
I hate it when I mentally undressing someone and my OCD kicks in and I start folding their clothes.
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!