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I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
No one needs a vacation from me more than me.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Why is it called cat nip and not meowjuana?
Every once in a while someone really special walks into your life. That person is usually delivering a pizza
Being an adult is the worst idea ever.
Was hating my job until I drove past a grown man dressed as a Taco on the side of the road. Thanks again Perspective.
These energy drinks make sitting on the couch so much more exciting.
Me on New Years Eve: “I suggest we drink before we go out drinking.”
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
Braille dictionary for sale. Must see to appreciate.
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.