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Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
Shoutout to this ATM fee for making me buy my own money.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
Car alarms should sound like two chicks in a fight. I`d look out the window for that.
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.