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You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
Wow! Sit-Downs are way easier than Sit-Ups!
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
A tattoo doesn’t tell you very much about a person, but where they put the tattoo does.
I want to follow my dream, but i dont want to look like a stalker
I`m glad it`s the thought that counts because I spend all day thinking about the sh!t I should be doing.
Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I’m drinking something. I`ll give you a hint: It starts with a B and rhymes with....um..... “beer.”
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?