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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
So many idiots, so few nuclear warheads....
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
When you are dead, you don’t know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Whoever said time heals all wounds never had their leg bitten off by a shark.
Black Friday at my house consist of pants 100% off
I start every morning with a simple affirmation: I will not murder anyone today.