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For Valentine`s Day my wife wanted to.... well, you know. It started with her handcuffing me to the bed. And for three solid hours she watched whatever she wanted on television
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
You can test my patience all you want, but I’m never going to pass.
To say I wasted today would be a huge insult to the producers of the 3 movies I watched.
Have you ever looked at someone and realized "WTF" is always what immediately comes to mind?
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else
cuss words = sentence enhancers
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
People who say you can´t buy happiness just don´t know where to shop.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park