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I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don`t give a damn!
Going to: ? Paris ? New York ? London ? KITCHEN... I`m hungry
What happens in Vegas never happens to me
Some people never go crazy...... What truly horrible lives they must live
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
This day will end with either wine or shopping. Probably both.
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
I think Labor Day is to remind people that after a full day with the family, going to work actually isn`t so bad after all.