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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I found a bottle of vodka under my bed, skittles under my pillow, & boxes of noodles in my closet. I`m like a fcuking alcoholic squirrel.
I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
I liked you until you started ignoring me and then I loved you. -Girls ---- Bfanch
thinking men should come with a carfax....
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
Girl are you a University of Phoenix degree because I`m pursuing you online and from my couch
I wish life had a “rewind-the-weekend” button.