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Yesterday I accidentally sent a naked picture of myself to everyone in my address book. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost a fortune in stamps.
justin bieber
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
If your girl sets her Facebook relationship status to “Widowed”, it’s time to pack a suitcase as fast as possible.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
There’s a reason why “sober” and “so bored” sound almost exactly the same.
The older I get the earlier it gets late.
I haven`t seen any new episodes of Gilligan`s Island in awhile... I hope they`re OK.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
"Are you completely sure this isn`t textable?" - the perfect voicemail prompt
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.