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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
FINALLY home from work! So, yea...if your phone number is on your profile...I will be drunk dialing you in about 30 minutes or so.
This job fair sucks... They don`t have one F*cking ride...
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.
So many fun things to say ... too many relatives on Facebook to post!
I have blank business cards I hand out and call them my “none of your business” cards.