Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
April 1st is the absolute worst day to have a heart attack.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
Is snaxting a thing? Texting each other pics of your snacks? Cause I feel like I’d be pretty good at that.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
"Hey homie!" - How I greet my house whenever I arrive.
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.