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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
If there`s one thing I`ve learned, it`s that I should have learned some other stuff.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.
Finally down to my pre-pregnancy/pre-kids weight...well...before my wife had kids I mean.
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
“Yes” is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks you’ve consumed.
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
I don’t know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.