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I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Reality is for those who can`t handle alcohol
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
Progress is made by lazy people looking for an easier way to do things
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
I thought there`d be more sex during my sexual prime.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
Sweating is for people who do stuff.