Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thanks to this huge spider web I just walked into, we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked.
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
There`s no mirrors in this self checkout?!?
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I`m OCD.
Just when you think someone couldn`t be any more annoying I test your theory.
My boyfriend isn`t allowed to break up with me. You wanna see other people? Look out the window.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
"I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone" -girls who can`t figure out boyfriend`s passwords