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Because of smart phones my thumbs now have biceps.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
I don`t just burn bridges, I drain the lake, fill it with concrete, and build a shopping mall on that bitch!
Why doesn’t a deli slicer just have a scale on it?
Facebook taught me to mind everyone else`s business.
So, is Dora 18 yet, or what? Asking for a friend.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
I hate it when I`m trying to take a selfie and somebody calls my camera.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
If we meet offline and you look nothing like your photos, you`re buying me drinks until you do.