Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
It may look like Iām having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
If my job was to make health questionnaires, I`d slip in random stuff like "How fast can you run backwards?"
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Just once Iād like to learn something the easy way.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard... PILLOW FIGHT!
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......