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Didn’t Selfie Sticks used to be called Friends?
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
If it wasn’t for caffeine I wouldn’t be a functioning member of society.
You should have been a chicken and just went home.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I say unto myself I SHALL NEVER... USE APPLE MAPS AGAIN...
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
I enjoy going to costume parties that have a theme. ..."Nude Beach" is my personal favorite.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad.
I`m bored, I think I`ll ask my boyfriend if I look fat. - women
Thanks for the free weekend offer E-Harmony but my wife said I can`t use it.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
Today I caught myself smiling… I was thinking of you… Don’t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.