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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I`m assuming it`s Monday.
My kids are always accusing me of having a "favorite child" which is ridiculous because I don`t really like any of them.
Every time I go into my boss` office she tells me "take a seat". I have 14 now.
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It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Is it wrong to ask someone with an eye patch "Was it all fun and games up to that point?"
I don`t care about Disney lying about the Prince Charmings out there. I`m more annoyed that random woodland creatures won`t clean my house.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".