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My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
Meal prepping is basically eating a week`s worth of leftovers from a meal that never happened.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
I take comfort in the fact that my neighbour will probably die before me. I`ll be at his funeral, leafblowing through the entire ceremony.
If it`s really the thought that counts, we`re ALL screwed. LOL ;)
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
If by "crunches" you mean the sound potato chips make when you chew them, then yes, I do crunches.