Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I went to the bank and said I`d like to open a joint account. They said "With who?" I said "Anyone who has a lot of money!"
If a man doesn`t drink when he`s living, how in the hell can he drink when he`s dead?
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Some moments you remember all your life. Reading this, unfortunately, is not one of those moments.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
We’ve solved so many world problems, and yet chocolate still has calories.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.