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All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
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If today drags anymore, it`s going to come out of the closet in a sexy little dress
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Diet goal: I want to lose just enough so that my hand will fit comfortably in a Pringles can...
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Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
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Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
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I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
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I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
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We all make mistakes .... I just do it better than everyone else.
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The best thing about having male genitals is sharing it with people who don`t.
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I`m great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
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I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
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I really hope my spirit animal is a bear because well I would love to hibernate all winter.
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Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
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I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
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You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
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