Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
real eyes realize real lies
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I`m on this great new diet where I spend all my grocery money on strippers.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
Well, THAT Jehovah`s Witness isn`t going to forget anytime soon what they witnessed when I answered the door.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I don`t care how loud I`m laughing, I`m having fun and you`re not.
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X
I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night…he hypnotized 7 guys…then dropped the mic on his foot and yelled F*CK ME ... what happened next will haunt me for the rest of my life
📘 Share on Facebook🐦 Share on X