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This status was brought to you by me being bored on the toilet.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. “Alright, get in the basket”
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger`s property and make a non-negotiable demand.
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment...
Just once I want my boss to assume I`m tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.
Porn teaches kids an unhealthy and unrealistic idea of how quickly a plumber will come to your house.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
I don`t want to brag or make anybody jealous, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.