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I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
"Why haven`t you been answering my pigeons?" -- Girlfriends in the 17th century probably
Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer...
Not to brag, but I don’t need to smoke pot to get the munchies.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
I wonder if dogs ever wake up in the morning and think "dear god please don`t take me jogging with you today"?
“I demand a recount.” – Me, in a nugget dispute at McDonald’s.
How come phones only get lost when they are on silent?
Life is funnier when you have a dirty mind. ;)
What idiot called it a driver`s test and not a Game of Cones?
The worst walk of shame is the one back onto the crowded elevator after getting out on the wrong floor.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.