Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
I donate blood 5 times a year just so I`m less and less related to some of my relatives.
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I`ll be back before you can pronounce actillimandataquerin altosapaoyabayadoondib ab!
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
I never owned a telescope, but it`s something that I`m thinking of looking into.
I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I`m not used to consuming wine in pill form.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon