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Who needs dance lessons when you`ve got alcohol?!
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
I’m that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
I just did a bunch of crunches and curls. There were Nestle Crunches and cheese curls, but still. I`m exhausted.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Live For Today… Plan For Tomorrow… Party Tonight!
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face