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I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
You’d think after all these beauty pageants, we would have world peace by now.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.