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My driver`s side window stopped working,,,, So yeah,, I`m probably gonna starve to death..
Somedays I could do without the life lesson
something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow
Relationships should come with an icon that shows you how much time you have left like your phone’s battery.
I don`t have a smartphone I have a phone that shows potential but doesn`t apply itself
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
sorry but your password must contain an "uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph, and the blood of a virgin"
What if in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar…and the actor who played him got an Oscar.
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
I don`t understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their facebook status to "single." I fight with my parents but you don`t see me change my status to "orphan."
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Don`t be sad, laundry. Nobody is doing me either.
You can`t control who comes into your life. But you can control which window you throw them out of.