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20 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!
Chocolate is a flavor of milk, and milk is a flavor of chocolate.
Dear grumpy people: donuts are only $.99
If pigs could fly.. Would I be able to get high on bacon?
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
You’d be more impressed with me if you never met anyone else.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
With great power comes a great electricity bill.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
I finished your laundry, the ashes are in the fireplace.