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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
I`m so scattered I don`t know whether I found this rope or lost my horse.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
If animals spoke our language we`d be in their debt because they`d have some seriously incriminating dirt on all of us.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
My ex said he would die for me. All I`m saying is, it was his suggestion.
Babies dont have parents, they have staff.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.