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This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
Procrastination comes to those who wait.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
New kitchen game: `Fridge and Cupboard Tetris`- Putting the possibility of being pummeled by a food avalanche on a whole new level of adventure.
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
I’m in no shape to exercise.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
Dear Rebecca Black, you are the most beautiful And prettiest girl in the world. Don`t let the haters get you down. P.S Forgot to mention today`s opposite day.
A third zebra strolls casually while whistling and pretending to read a newspaper onto Noah`s ark.
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.