Daily Silly Status

GF: Does this dress make my a$$ look big? BF: Nope Your A$$ makes the dress look big.

Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.

That awkward moment when you run into someone and there`s no where to hide

my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.

Sometimes I meow back at cats.

I wonder how many messengers were killed before they came up with the saying.

I recently added squats to my daily workout routine and I did so by moving my beer to the bottom shelf in my refrigerator.

I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.

My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia, well he didn`t actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out

Peace on earth would be nice, but not gaining 20 pounds over the holidays would be a Christmas miracle.

My wife and I are pretty upset. It looks like someone broke in and surfed porn on my computer. They didn`t touch anything else, so that`s good.

if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.

If Santa’s helper takes a picture in the mirror, is that an elfie?

The new iPhone will have a finger print scanner. Or, in other words, Apple is about to amass the largest database of biometric data in the world. I’m sure the people of NSA are dancing like little school girls right now.