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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I`ll be taking my time and yours,, thank you....... -- all 80 yr. old drivers
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
Car sex is not fun...that tailpipe BURNS
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Friends don’t let friends twerk.
Trust me, I am a liar.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
No one your age has any idea what they`re doing either. No matter what age you are.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.