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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Hell hath no fury like your kid catching you throw away ANYTHING, EVER. I smuggle out broken crayons like a Mexican drug lord..
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Nascar would be so more entertaining if they threw banana peels and turtle shells.
The best thing about hand sanitiser is that when you put it on, it looks like you are plotting to take over the world.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
I dont even bother filling out the "From" field on gift tags during xmas. One look at the wrap job, and its VERY obvious.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
FUN FACT: If you take all of the marshmellows out of a box of Lucky Chrams, you`ll have a bag of Purina Cat Chow