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Wouldn’t it be great to hear a priest say “been there, done that” in reply to your confessed sins?
Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
You know it`s good advice, when your still confused afterwards.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
Sorry I wore tear-away pants to your wedding. In my defense I really thought I had on underwear.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car