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I have a disease called AWESOME...You don`t understand it since you don`t have it.
My train of thought likes to circle around the station a few times, take some wrong turns, and end up totally lost.
Last night I saw a documentary about beavers. Best dam show I ever watched.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
I`ll be posting telepathically today.. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I hate you bye
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!
Alice in Wonderland taught me to drink things that I`m unsure of