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Ladys, if you`re in an argument with a guy and there`s no may to win. Start playing with your boobs...works every time.
Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?
That awkward moment, when you wake up with one sock on.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Normal people scare me ... But not as much as I scare them. :)
My neighbor was singing in the shower again this morning. I didn’t mind though as I can`t hear anything through the telescope.
Roses are red, so is my wine. Refill my glass and I`ll be just fine.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
I`m not saying my wife`s voice is annoying, but right now I`m really jealous of deaf people.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
"You blew a tranny" means something completely different to an auto mechanic.