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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and then both walk in the same direction..
I don`t hit the "Like" button on my own statuses because I am self-centered, it`s just that I amaze myself sometimes and I want to show my appreciation!!!!!!
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong...
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
What if the weather talks about us?
Broke up with my girlfriend. She was into the horoscope stuff and we weren`t compatible. I`m a libra and shes a...b!tch
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
If you think about it, before the first mirror was invented, if you didn’t live near a body of water, you had no idea what you looked like.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...