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That awkward moment when You accidentally hit the LIKE button During Facebook stalking.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
If ignorance is bliss. You must be the happiest person on this planet.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You`ll know what I mean.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
Waterfalls are a beautiful, majestic sight as they pour down upon the rocky crags below. Unless you`re in a canoe and about to plummet to your death. Then waterfalls sorta suck.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes, could you pick me up some booze on your way back?
I prefer a slowie not a quickie.
Facebook is the reason why my work is not done.