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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
I believe in helping the homeless. That`s why every year I buy a new refrigerator and throw away the box.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.
With the right music, you either forget everything or you remember everything.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
The best thing about my phone screen shattering is that it now matches my dreams and aspirations.