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I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
My girlfriend wanted me to show her a good time, so I showed her pictures of me before we met.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
i wasnt tht drunk u was holding a ballon thinking it was a comdom
Walmart needs observation decks.
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.