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You all take typos way too serious, you gays.
BEST PICK UP LINE: You would probably sleep better tonight if we had sex.
I handle stress the way cats bathe in water.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
people live & people die, but in the the end we still get high.. so if in life you dont succeed, F*CK it All & smoke some WEED ?
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
you know why maths is unhappy? because it got so many problems.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
If I haven`t offended you, just scroll thru my timeline. It`s in there.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case
It`s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on his back. My ex sleeps with everybody. That sort of thing.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.