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I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch folks do it for hours.
I don`t really want to make bad choices; but I`m always late, and all the good choices are already taken..
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I am describing my sex life.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
just read a list of "the 100 things to do before you die." I´m pretty surprised "yell for help" wasn´t one of them.
Called AA by mistake. Those drunks can`t change a tire for sh*t.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for a week
I love myself everyday. Sometimes, twice a day.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
If you`re not the lead dog, the scenery never changes!
The odds of winning the lottery are 1 in 10 million. The odds of being the fastest sperm are 1 in 300 million. You`d think that with those odds, you`d win the lottery 30 times in your life.