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FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Does anyone know how much water I`m supposed to add to this baby powder, to make an infant?
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
I`m not leaving here without some kind of balloon.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
So your baby doesn`t know any tricks at all?
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
Wow comma I just realized if I tap the microphone on my keyboard I don`t have to type out my statuses anymore exclamation point
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.