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I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon.... I think I am going to be pretty good at it.
Mondays aren`t so bad... it`s my job that sucks.
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
Takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do ...
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep
Designated Driver is just a nicer way of saying, you can come with us, but nobody wants to deal with your drunk a$$.
Life should be more like Hockey. If somebody pisses you off, you beat the sh!t out of them, then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.
If nobody comes from the future to stop you, how bad can the decision really be?