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My smoke detectors are always cheering me on for being such a great cook.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
I want to grow my own food but no one makes pizza seeds.
I have no problem admitting that you made a mistake.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
You make your own luck`.. a saying most popular with lucky f*ckers
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
The great thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
The man who created the Thesaurus has died. He`ll be fondly remembered, commemorated, memorialized, recalled and recollected.
Dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten today. Does anybody know what age you`re supposed to pick them up?