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Say what you want about Kim and Kanye naming their daughter North West. That kid is headed straight to the top. And slightly to the left.
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Calm down, take a deep breath and hold it for about 20 minutes.
Jehovah`s Witnesses, Improving my hiding skills since 1974.
Pizza will never tell you to apologize to your mother in law
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others. The rest of us have to be the others.
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
I`m so proud of myself, I spent all night putting my Christmas decorations up myself.. I`m now at the hospital having them removed
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.