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There`s a difference between having a unique name and a common name that`s spelled wrong.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
Just ONCE, I`d like to look deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Whenever I read: "Do not exceed recommended dose" I always think, "Challenge accepted!"
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
Being normal is boring.
Walking out of a store after not buying anything and thinking, "try not to act like a criminal, try not to act like a criminal."
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