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Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
Eventually, some poor astronaut is going to crash into all that Star Wars writing
really vry funny
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...