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that awkward moment when you`re scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep.
It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
I bet you 20 dollas I`m broke
whoever snuck the `s` in fast food is a clever person
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides.
Our parents did the same sh!t too, they`re just liars.
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.