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I just passed the local college and saw 3 very fit young ladies with very tight yoga pants walking to class...I have never been so motivated to return to college.
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
It`s a good thing Taylor Swift and Adele aren`t dating. Imagine if they broke up.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I can tell how productive I was at work by how much battery my cell phone has left when I leave.
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
I always learn from mistakes of others, who took my advice.
If you walk a mile in my shoes the least you can do is leave a pair of yours to wear.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.