😄 Daily Silly Status
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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
I saw a fat lady with a "M.O.B." tattoo on her arm. I asked "money over B*tches?" She said "No, McDonalds over Burger King.
You can tell Monopoly is an old game because there’s a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
When women say “It’s not what’s on the outside, it’s what’s on the inside that counts”, we all know they are talking about a Man’s wallets.
I was at a nice restaurant tonight and accidentally left out a loud fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Do you ever look through old pictures and wonder, “Where the hell did that shirt go?”
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn`t dilute in the shower.