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I put the o in illiterate!
Next time you take your dog for a walk pretend he`s solving a mystery.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Mistakes married men make: 1. Doing things. 2. Not doing things. 3. Thinking about doing things. 4. Not thinking about doing things.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
LIKE if you check your phone to see what time it is and then check it again because the first time you weren’t paying attention.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
If nothing else, love is nice because it confirms that you do not hate everyone. Just everyone minus one.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Whether a Vacuum is on or off, it`s always collecting dust.