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Beer and a 44 magnum with an everclear shot makes everything good like Nintendo
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
One man`s trash is another man`s profile picture.
"This is bullsh!t" - bull farmer giving barn tours
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point when she turned around and found out I was walking her home.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Your shadow: What happens when light travels 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet by you.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
If the zombie apocalypse happened in Vegas…would it “stay in Vegas”?
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think "look at all these poor people who don`t know Netflix exists."
Sharks aren’t so bad. If some stranger entered my house wearing only a Speedo, I would probably attack him too.
I`ve always wondered is jellyfish are sad because there are no peanut butter fish.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.