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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
Life..it`s just an `F` in lie....
I can`t find my happy place this morning, mind if I goto yours
I eat bananas with a fork, so I don`t look gay.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
Whoever decided to color underpants white was an idiot.
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I`d rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
New documentary movie about white trash .... I only saw the trailer ....
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?