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The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
The only candy I crush are empty cold ones.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
Any woman can make you a Millionaire.. You only have to be a Billionaire first.
God knew that there would be times that a single middle finger wouldn`t be enough.
I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Went to a nudest camp once and all I could think was.. these are the people you see dressed in Wal-Mart that you don`t want to see naked.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
I don’t know how many girls it takes to change a lightbulb but I guarantee you they’d post pictures of them doing it on Facebook.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!