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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
Anyone know when Facebook is sending us our W-2`s?
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
Check this one out.........1
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
These are not pizza stains on my shirt they are pizza memories, wonderful wonderful memories.
Some people are good listeners. Mostly, though, they`re just nodding and thinking about bacon.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)