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Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely Facebooking than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space.
Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
The awkward moment when you look both ways down a one way street.
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now