Daily Silly Status

The worst part about looking for a job is if you`re successful, you end up with a job.

My favorite part of the day? The food part.

I`ve disappointed a lot of people in my life, you`re not special.

Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations

I stick pins and needles in the people I don`t like because can`t afford voodoo dolls.

I fell off the wagon because I was too drunk to keep my balance

If we aren`t supposed to be too close to the microwave then why do they show us food twirling around in there?

Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.

Salary is like a menstrual cycle, it comes once a month and is gone in five days...

I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.

I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over

I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...

Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at

There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter.

I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m