Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Guy on plane : So, where are you going to? Me : I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.
If you read your timeline backwards it is about a person who hates everything and gradually becomes happier until they get a life.
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Brains are awesome! I wish everyone had one...
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
Iām moving to Africa. Apparently there I can eat for 12 cents a day.
Meaningless statistics are up 17% today
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.