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The high cost of livin ain`t nothin like the cost of livin high
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
There’s too much blood in my caffeine system
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
I`m out of bacon. This is my suicide note.
B!tch, I will slap you by accident on purpose.
I suspects that whoever named that Icelandic volcano (Eyjafjallajokull) must have fallen asleep on their keyboard while thinking it up.
For Christmas I just want summer...
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.