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It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
If they have an Ice Cream Truck for kids why don’t that have a Beer Truck for adults?
The next time someone asks me what I`m doing, I`m gonna reply "I`m breathing 2 stay alive how about u"?
The woman that just drove past me was either doing a huge yawn or her brakes have failed....
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
Artificial intelligence is a wonderful thing. I told my computer that today is my birthday, and it said that I needed an upgrade.
When I started out, I was young and idealistic, I wanted a Career and to make a difference in the World, but it turned out that I only wanted Paychecks........
We should start seeing Valentine`s Day crap in the stores any minute now.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
It is amazing how quickly kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, dishwasher, or vacuum cleaner.
Twerking is the crocs of dancing.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
I get my: Cereal from a tiger, Insurance from a gecko, Toilet paper from a bear, Financial advice from a gorilla. It`s people I don`t trust.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.