Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
"We`re pregnant!" -people who don`t understand science
Thank you Lord for this delicious meal we are about to Instagram.
Someone told me the camera adds 10 pounds and I was like why would anyone eat a camera you idiot?
Sorry, I can`t hangout. My uncle`s cousin`s sister in law`s best friend`s insurance agent`s roommate`s pet goldfish drowned. It was tragic.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
I`ve been single so long now I don`t remember what it`s like for someone to be mad at me for something I didn`t even know it did!
When I was little my dad had me convinced that the Ice Cream truck only played music when it was sold out. Well played Dad, well played.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."