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Before you decide to spend less time on social media... make sure you go to every social media website and tell everyone.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Never seen anyone jogging and smiling, so that’s all I need to know about that.
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Never piss off a woman on her period...scratch that...Never piss off a woman, period.
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Turbo Tax might just be the worst video game I`ve ever played.
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
What`s the hold up on making extremely heavy shoes for toddlers so they can`t run around so much?
How many times do I have to say "excuse me" before "get the f*ck out of my way" becomes acceptable?
I just made an emergency survival kit. You know, for emergencies. It looks like all my other kits, but don`t be fooled; this one is red and has more liquor.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"