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I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Why can`t braille just be in the shape of the letters?
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on again?
24 hours in a day.. 24 beers in a case.. coincidence?
I bet people who like their own statuses wink at themselves in the mirror too.
If I could turn snarky sarcasm into a paying job, I could be employed for infinity.
I wish I was as skinny as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!