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If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
Nothing improves creativity like a lack of supervision!
If I`ve learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, its that women still haven`t figured out you can watch porn at home... for free.
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
Slowly, Waldo`s wife and Mr. Sandiego started putting the pieces together
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.