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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
Apparently there is no age limit on ignorance.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
You think I’m mean? If only you knew what I say in my head.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
Just got a fortune cookie with no fortune in it ... Sounds about right for this Monday
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you`ll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?