Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it’s all panic and screaming.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
You know what tastes better than one taco? Two tacos!
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
Bad decisions and good stories or good decisions and no stories?
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I guarantee there`s a pregnant teenager somewhere who thinks `Ebola` would be a lovely name for their child.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
I can`t stand people who use song lyrics in their status` because they remind me of sombody that I used to know
You know why it`s called almond milk? Cuz you can`t say nut juice with a straight face
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
"kill it before it lays eggs" - is my standard suggestion to any problem