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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
I know that no means no, but that`s about the extent of my Spanish.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
I really hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I`d like to read a prescription bottle that says, "May cause extreme sexiness."
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
If Tetris has taught me anything it`s that errors pile up and accomplishments disappear.
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
It`s not you, it`s me. I just don`t like myself when I`m around you.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
7 billion people on this planet and I can`t find one who doesn`t annoy the f*ck out of me.