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I`m not allowed to have any energy drinks until all the cat`s hair grows back.
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
Why do TV shows say "May contain nudity"? It either does or doesn`t. Don`t make me watch the entire thing and find out the hard way it doesn`t....
Always have faith and believe in yourself…well because..the rest of us think you’re an idiot!
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
If you get angry, just take deep breaths and count to ten. Unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
The majority of life`s greatest lessons are learned while observing your drunk friends.
I’m in a rush to go home and do absolutely nothing.
I`m feeling 22.. Pounds overweight.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.