Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
is on a Mission. The magic leprechaun told me to follow the pink racehorse to the rainbow where the orange elephant is holding my skittles hostage
I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I`m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
Trying to learn Mandarin Chinese but the amount of money I`m spending on fortune cookies is getting ridiculous.
Every once in a while I check up on people I hate to make sure I still hate them… I do.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Liven up any boring conversation by telling people you have a glass eye and then watch them try and figure out which one it is.
If i had a dollar for everytime i was thinking about you, i would start thinking about you.
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Sleep is just a symptom of caffeine deprivation.
What do horses eat? Hay. What do gay horses eat? Haaaayyyy!