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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
It`s ok computer, I go to sleep after 20 minutes of inactivity too.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
The first step is admitting you’re a problem.
You`re an intellectual who doesn`t read books? I completely understand because I`m an athlete that rarely moves.
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
I’m great at multitasking. I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Just seen a homeless dude with a sign that said "too ugly to prostitute."