Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
So you`ll be able to buy Girl Scout Cookies online this year ... Your move Weight Watchers
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
I heard she was born naked!! That slut!
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
That depressing moment when you dip your cookie into milk for too long, it breaks off, and you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
I hate it when I open Facebook and miss a week of work.
This morning I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, "How did you get in here?"
Being married is like having the freedom to do whatever your wife tells you.