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The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Global warming is now thought to be a leading cause of documentaries.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
If you forget your hook-up’s name, just take them to Starbuck’s in the morning.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
What ? Who ? Exactly my point. Now move along and go read something else. Nosey !!
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can’t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.