Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How many times can you celebrate a 29th birthday before people catch on? -asking for a friend
Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
The covers of this book are too far apart.
At this point I`m guessing the North only won the Civil War because the South got half an inch of snow and they completely lost their minds
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
Sometimes, I question my sanity ... Sometimes, it replies
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked ... So did all the other people at the post office.
The only good thing about being an alcoholic is that no one ever asks me to drive them anywhere.