Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
Every day can be palm Sunday if you`re a single guy
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat is a warm one.
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
"How`s phone reception in the bathroom?" is an important question, but one you just can`t ask on a job interview.
If you`re behind someone at the ATM late at night, let them know you`re not a threat by giving them a gentle kiss on their neck.
I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun...
"Dean, what are you doing this weekend?"
"That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should."
"But what are you doing?"
"What I`m g
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
I drink coffee for your protection.
I like to finish other people’s sentences because my version is better.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we`ve met before." So they feel awkward trying to remember me
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.