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Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour’s wife; And beer as COLD as your own. :)
Facebook: Proving that just because you have an opinion doesn`t mean you should share it.
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
I hate it when 18 wheelers blow their horns while Im driving, that sh*t wakes me up!
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
I`m the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I`m ok, I`m ok"
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
Honestly, Officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"
Besides being curled up on the bathroom floor convinced I was dying from liver failure for a few hours, last night was fun.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.