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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I hate when my girlfriend accuses me of something I didn`t think she knew about.
I bet more people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
What do you mean I should be more productive? Do you think this cocktail made itself?
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
I work so hard for my gta V character to have a better life
One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.