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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
The hardest thing about returning to work after a long weekend is remembering to fart quietly.
Blessed are they who can just read it and move on.
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
Dentists need cooler sh!t on their ceilings.
I like to follow random families around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all their photos.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."