Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
That moment when you put your pants on, take a few steps, and feel something crawling down your leg! You grab it on the outside so it doesn`t crawl any further....and then you sigh in relief and thank God the dryer sheet doesn`t bite!
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Take me seriously at your own risk.
My mind has a mind of its own.
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
I’m so happy people can’t hear what I’m thinking.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)