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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
It appears that autocorrect has become my worst enema.
I don’t know if I have a stalker, but if I do, could you drop off some milk. Thanks.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
"Let`s eat, get drunk and watch people exercise" - sports fans
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
Nobody texts faster than a pissed off female.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....