Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
Next time you are in a restaurant, give this a thought. The fork you are using has been in the mouth of hundreds of people. Now look at the people eating right by you. Scary, right?
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Curious that it`s always a female computer voice that calmly announces self-destruct sequences and other violent disasters.
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
I try not to brag but I`m really quite good at Yoga. I`m not flexible or anything but I am a master of that "Empty Your Mind" part
If it doesn’t involve food or sleep, I’m probably not interested.
"it`s the thought that counts" doesn`t include showering. You have to actually do that.