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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
Sign outside a Drug Rehab Centre: "Keep off the Grass!"
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
Unless you tripped and smacked your face on the treadmill, no one wants to hear about your workout.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
According to new research, too much sex can cause memory loss. Finally, something that explains my ultra detailed photographic memory.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.
Dear wind, what has my hair ever done to you?