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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
If there’s one piece of advice I can give you it’s to marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than you so they wont eat all of yours.
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
Nothing says God is forgiving like hell.
Seems like 2013 was just yesterday.
Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...
I got a letter in the mail saying I was pre-approved for a Walmart Credit Card. Not sure if I should be honored or ashamed.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
I had my Crayola guy re-run the numbers,,, and there`s only 36 shades of grey
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I would never be bored again.