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iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
I was sad, because I had no shoes. Until I met a man that had no feet. So, I took his shoes, cuz hey, he wan`t using them anyway!
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
Awww, look. My middle finger likes you!
Today I saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn`t it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Sorry I made fun of your erectile dysfunction, I hope there’s no hard feelings.
I love my six pack abs so much that I cover them with a layer of fat .
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Friends are like boobs. Some are real, some are fake