Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
FITNESS TIP: Set a regular gym schedule that`s easy to keep up with. For example, I work out once every 4 years after I vote for president.
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
Just because they sell yoga pants in XXL doesn`t mean it`s ok to wear them in public.
Fun Fact: For the cost of a dozen red roses, you could also get a dozen beers and a dozen wings at happy hour. Prob even pay for parking too
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
“I wish there was a more convenient way to stalk others”- The phrase that started Facebook.
tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
I just wanna find a girl who loves me for my money. That way I wouldn`t feel bad for loving her for her body.
my girlfriend asked me to go to the store and pick her up 50 shades of grey, she was pretty mad when i brought home 50 tubes of lipstick.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.