Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
I don`t know what`s more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
"If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best" literally translates to "I`m a loud, sloppy drunk."
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
If intelligent people don’t start having babies as fast as the trash in “honey boo boo”, we’re headed for a very dumb future. Am I the only one that sees this?!
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
I`m a responsible person. People are always saying "I know you`re responsible for this."
Thank you Pringles for being the only chip company that doesn`t sell air.
1st thing I do after great sex! Turn the alarm clock off.........
Why is it that whenever you dial a wrong number, somebody always answers?
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well...my phone number for a start
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.