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Ever check your Facebook early in the morning where you have to close one eye because the screen is too bright?
A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
Karate is just a violent way of making people smell your feet.
You know its cold out ......when you go outside..... and it`s cold out
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
People with 1 syllable names ruin the happy birthday song
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn`t be allowed to talk
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.