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Who needs a social life when you have Netflix and a fridge full of food?
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels. LOL. But on the up side, it is fun!! ;)
I thought I wanted to get married again. Then I laughed and remembered why I shouldn`t think.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
There is no such things as ghosts. I know, I asked Santa Claus
I always wanted to buy a Parrot and teach it to say, "Help, they`ve turned me into a parrot!"
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.