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They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
Love your neighbor, but don`t get caught...
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
Several decisions I make on a daily basis hinge upon the question "illegal or just frowned upon?"
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.